Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tired of the same old...same old...

Well, if you have noticed that I haven't posted anything new for a while, you are not alone...I noticed too! Its been a strange and rough few months. I've been struggling with a lot and trying to keep it all pretty low key. Not sure I do that well, but I try. It started with stress, then depression, then some passing thoughts of worthlessness, some serious thoughts of suicide, my brother was killed in a car accident, followed by grief and the realization that I didn't want to be dead even if I did feel worthless.

My health took a real beating during all of this too. Everything was crazy, shingles, viruses, sinus issues, dehydration, etc. etc. etc...it was a lot to deal with and I stepped away from everything that wasn't essential. No more DT work for me. I just couldn't do anything extra when I couldn't manage the daily responsibilities of my family. How was that fair to anyone? I didn't feel creative, I felt weighed down, as if I were drowning in all of this anxiety. It was not a good place to be.

My mental state nearly had me hospitalized, but with the help of my therapist and best friend along with heartfelt prayer to God, I was able to avoid that. I was put on anti-depressants which have helped me deal with things. Is my life perfect now? No. I'm just handling it better and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel so-to-speak. I feel like I've made it through a fog that was hovering over me and now I can see that things are going to be better.

Why am I sharing this so publicly? Well, I think we all have moments when things get a bit dark. Its my feeling that it can be an embarrassment, it can make you feel weak, damaged, at times broken. However, depression isn't something you make up, it is a real and very powerful problem for many people out there. If you ever feel like this...depressed, blue,  down...don't make the mistake of trying to hide it and carrying on without addressing it. You might make it worse. Instead, talk to someone you trust. If you can't do that, call your local crisis hotline and talk with them. If you really feel like you will harm yourself, go to your local emergency room and tell them about it. They should assist you in obtaining immediate mental health care. Above all else, PRAY, we are instructed to do this at Psalm 55:22, "Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he will sustain you."

So, now that I'm beginning to feel like my old sassy and silly self again, I think I'm ready to start back down the road of creative expression. I'll be focusing my attention on my scrapbooking for a while though. I've got a lot of wonderful memories that I want to get in my scrapbooks. Not only is this a great way to get a creative outlet but it is a way to focus on all the reason why I am important and to whom I am important to...My beautiful daughters, my husband, my dearest and best friend, Sheryl, my BIG crazy family full of personality and whit and my extended family of friends in the Christian Brotherhood. If these amazing people can love me...then surely I can learn to love myself.



  1. this is beautiful gwen-thank you for sharing...i know speaking for myself, of this place that i too have been...it's not fun but with the grace of god and the family and friendships He has given us-we all find that little glow of light that brings us back :)

    i wish you good health and happiness on your travel back-i know you are a strong and good hearted woman who can make it through anything!

    welcome back girlie! i look forward to seeing your scrapbooking and sharing your stories :)


  2. Hi Gwen!I'm so sorry to hear about your brother, how very heartbreaking for you. I have missed you and am glad to hear you're working your way back to better health, physically and emotionally. We're here for you all the way!
    I will keep you in my prayers.
    Sisterly love and hugs,

  3. I think you are AMAZING and BRAVE for posting this-and so glad to hear you are feeling better. I am positive that your message will help someone else and think you're pretty darn awesome, my friend!

  4. I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time! Depression is very real as well as the reasons you are dealing with it. I have had my moments of it too. Sounds like you are working through it the best you can! I am so sorry about your brother too! I saw his picture a few months back, but did not know why. It will be so wonderful when these things will be no more. You are in our prayers!
    Your Sister in NC!

  5. Gwen., dear one, I am sending you the biggest hugs and prayers I can possibly muster. It was very brave of you to share your struggles and heartfelt feelings, and you surely can feel the love coming to you in all wishes for your to be hale, hearty, healthy and HAPPY.


Thanks so much for stopping by, I hope you enjoyed your visit. Please leave any feedback you care to, it is always appreciated. Keep your hands busy, my friends! Smiles! Gwen